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my_desperate_romance ([personal profile] my_desperate_romance) wrote2017-01-01 03:58 pm

Mandatory End-of-the-year post 2016

It would have been more appropriate to post this yesterday but we're going to ignore that.

2016 was as shitty for me as it was for (it looks) most internet users: I had a very bad breakdown this June/July similar to the one that actually sent me to therapy three (I think it was three?) years ago, I've become pretty disheartened with my relationship with my family, I dropped out of university and am currently still in a crisis over this and my future in general, which doesn't make it easier to deal with the first two points. However, if I'm really honest with myself, all of these things happened for reasons I was or should have been aware of, or were the only possible outcome given the circumstances. None of it was easy to deal with, especially being forced to open my eyes on what the extent of my mental illness is or how many things in my life I let become messy beyond the point of no return, but the result is that I know more about myself and what I need to work on. It's not a nice view, but I'm looking at it.

I also had some genuinely good experiences, even if they weren't many: I got to visit my girlfriend in Milan, I hung out more with some relatives I really like, I saw an old friend again and it wasn't awkward. I got my driving license, which I never cared particularly about, but was still a success. I consumed some really good media, but that's for another section.

Goals for 2017

I've realized long ago that making long and vague lists of resolutions doesn't work for me (in general, resolutions and lists never work like we want them to, but I still like them too much to let go), so I'm keeping my 2017 goals simple:
  • Be an overall better person: keeping in mind people have different experiences and backgrounds from mine, and that often I know nothing about them, that being kinder takes nothing most of the time, that I can find ways of standing my ground and keeping myself safe without hurting others unnecessarily.
  • Be kinder to myself: if I can make something easier for future!me, then I have to do it, and I don't have to judge them for needing it in the first place. Do what I feel I can do at the moment and not straining myself. Being angry and frustrated at the way I function is fine, but it's not going to accomplish anything to make me more efficient. Making smart changes is.
  • Find a job: anything, to be honest, as long as it makes me feel I'm being less of a financial strain to my family.
  • Fandom-related goals: finish that huge Raven Cycle WIP that I should have written for the Big Bang and hit my GYWO word count (75k) as well as my reading goal (48 books). Actually put stuff online before I start to be hypercritical of it.

Fannish things of 2016

In general, I spent too much time aimlessly killing time via Tumblr & co and not doing things I enjoy, because the moment I sat down to read a book I couldn't fool myself anymore into thinking I'd be productive. This has to change as well.

well, my main interest was The Raven Cycle, and my fandom monogamy leaves little space for doing anything but lurking with other fandoms. I think I produced some very nice things thanks to it, and that kept me going through my bad period from January through March. I tried to dig into the Game of Thrones/ASoIaF fandom, but found that once again what I like isn't what most people seem to like, and while I can stand it for small fandoms for things I actually like, this is a massive fandom for something I basically hatewatch so I desisted. I read less fic in general.

Books: I signed up on Goodreads, which hopefully will make remembering what I read easier than it currently is. It tells me I've read a total of 15 books, but two were comics and one was a self-help book I often skimmed through. I'm sure what I enjoyed the most were Ancillary Justice and Fire and Hemlock, so I plan on continuing the series and looking into more DWJ. Other notable reads: The Hours, which I loved but would have loved more if I hadn't watched the movie, and The Blind Assassin. I told myself I would stick to things I liked but the fact that The Raven King was a focal point of the year.

Shows: the things that brought me more joy were The Magicians, Steven Universe and How To Get Away With Murder. I got into the latter super late, and I need to catch up on Season 3, but I doubt that would take it off the list. I enjoyed Stranger Things but found it was a pretty self-contained pleasant experience. The Preacher pilot got me overly excited and then didn't keep up with my expectations, but I'm not done with it yet.

Movies: definitely The Hours, which made me cry about five times. Also enjoyed Mona Lisa Smile, On The Road, Zootopia, Star Trek Beyond and a couple of comedies, but I don't think there's anything that particularly stuck with me. Civil War and X-men were disappointing, as was every other superhero movie I watched except for Deadpool, which hands-down saved 2016. I think I watched more than in 2015, though, which is positive.

Other: The Bright Sessions is a fun podcast. AJJ and twenty-one pilots provided most of my 2016 soundtrack (which, surprising no one, has half the songs being related to TRC or coming from Stiefvater's blog). I started a Sandman reread because it was much needed.

Writing: I didn't hit my GYWO goal, or managed to wind NaNo, or finished my Big Bang fic. I had highs and lows, but the highs weren't as high as those in 2015, and the lows were particularly low, but I ended the year keeping a good rhythm, so I'm hopeful. I got some good ideas for original works as well.